Chapter 18 - Before Her Time
Our daughter wasn't due for another four weeks. At the hospital, the nurse attached monitors while Ethan answered questions I couldn't concentrate on. The contractions were regular now, and the doctor confirmed labor had begun.
"We're going to look after both of you," she told us. "But I need you to listen carefully while we discuss the next steps."
I was frightened of the unknowns, the possibility of complications, the fact that I'd spent so much of my pregnancy fighting battles that had nothing to do with becoming a mother.
Ethan brushed my hair off my forehead. "Tell me what you need."
"Don't say everything will be fine."
He swallowed. "Okay. I'll be here for whatever happens."
That was better.
Labor moved unevenly. I watched the clock for a while, then stopped. A nurse coached me through each contraction. Ethan brought ice chips, rubbed my back, and asked questions when I couldn't form them.
Near dawn the doctor recommended an additional intervention because the baby's heart rate was showing concerning changes. She explained the reason, the risks, and our options. I asked her to repeat the part I hadn't understood.
"You have time to ask," she said. "We want you informed."
With the team's help, our daughter was born just after sunrise, small and furious and very much alive. The room filled with her first cry. I cried too, from relief and exhaustion and disbelief.
I had imagined the day of June's birth so many times: a packed bag, a calm drive, a photograph of us smiling in the hospital hallway. The reality was brighter and harder and less orderly. Whenever fear surged, Ethan brought me back to the present. A question asked. A choice made. One contraction finished. I had never loved him more than when he admitted he couldn't control the outcome but would not leave me alone with it.
"Hi, sweetheart," Ethan whispered, tears caught in his beard. "We've been waiting for you."
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A nurse carried her toward the warmer for an assessment. Everything suddenly seemed too far away.
Then the nurse looked at the doctor and said, "I'd like you to come take a look at her breathing."
