Chapter 19 - A Name Worth Keeping

Our daughter needed extra monitoring and breathing support in the neonatal unit. The staff explained what they were seeing and what would happen next. I hated how tiny she looked under the soft hospital lights, but each day she grew stronger.
We named her June, after my grandmother, who had taught me that kindness could be firm.
Ethan and I took turns sitting beside her. I talked about our yellow living room, the crooked birdhouse in the yard, the dog who barked at delivery trucks. I told her there was a place ready for her, and I meant it.
Mom sent a letter rather than arriving uninvited. She said she was in counseling, that she had given the police everything she knew, and that she understood if she never got to hold June.
I read it twice and put it in my bag. I didn't answer that day. I also didn't throw it away.
A week later, June was healthy enough to come home with follow-up care arranged. Ethan carried her car seat through our front door while I walked behind them, one careful step at a time.
The living room looked the same: beige walls, wooden floor, leather recliner, sun across the mantel. But we'd moved the recliner to face the window, and the security camera no longer felt like a symbol of fear. It was just a camera again.
Ethan laid June in her bassinet. "Well," he whispered, "what do you think?"
In the neonatal unit I discovered a new kind of courage. It was sitting beside a small bed and learning what each machine meant. It was asking the nurses to explain a number instead of panicking at the sound of an alarm. It was letting myself be tired and letting Ethan carry the bag home when I couldn't. June didn't need a mother who never shook. She needed one who kept showing up.
She yawned and waved one tiny fist.
May you like
I laughed. Then I noticed an envelope on the mantel, addressed in handwriting I'd recognize anywhere.
It was from Brooke, and inside was a check marked FIRST RESTITUTION PAYMENT.